Chess, Cheating, and Adult Toys
Until today, The Sweet Sybarite would not have given a thought to Chess, but accusations made by world Chess Champion, Norwegian, Magnus Carlson sure has our ears perked. On Sept 5, 2022 quit a match that was held via Teams, after only a couple of moves, allegedly in protest to Hans Niemann, a 19 year old up and coming player. Who would have known just how interesting Chess matches can be.
The true reason for Carlson resigning from the match may never be known. He states that he would be in “big trouble” for talking about his true reason. While Magnus Carlson may not be allowing his accusations to be voiced aloud, Reddit fans had no trouble spilling the tea. According to posts found there, Hans Niemann is accused of cheating at Chess matches with the use of vibrating anal beads.
This theory became so prevalent the even Elon Musk has chimed in. “Talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one can see (cause it’s in ur butt)” tweeted Musk on his official twitter account, adding that “the most entertainment outcome is most likely“.
To understand what the actual Hell is happening you must first know who this thirst trap is.
Magnus Carlson
Norwegian chess Grand Master, Magnus Carlson was born in 1990. He has been known on the chess scene since he was a 13 year old child prodigy. At the time of this post, he has won 5 World Grand Chess Championships, 5 Rapid World Chess Championships, and is the #1 world ranked player according the FIDE world chess rankings.
Who would have known that The Man in Chess is a total thirst trap, but that’s not the story here.
And now for this Guy
Hans Niemann – Chess Upstart and Admitted Cheater
This guy is up and coming (at the time of the incident) 19 Year-old, Hans Niemann. Like a rising star, he came shooting on to the chess scene. Niemann was blowing through online Chess.com matches and making a name for himself. All of that attention caused him to be investigated for cheating by the governing body, and he admitted that early on, while playing matches on Chess.com he cheated on the electronic games to get higher rankings faster. He claims that he only ever cheated on the electronic games, and that his motive was only to get more quickly to opponents he felt were more worthy of his skill level.
He states that he hadn’t cheated in two years and that he was never playing for any tournament prizes when he did cheat, he just wanted to get righter rankings more quickly. He also apologized and said it would never happen again.
How do these guys and some anal beads make a salacious scandal?
The Sinquefield Cup 2022
Fast Forward to Niemann getting a last minute invite to play in the Sinquefield Cup, which is an annual Grand Master event held in St. Louis, Missouri. This Cup is particularly significant because there was a large prize purse involved. The total prizes for this event were $350,000 and the winner’s award was six figures. That’s a pretty big payout.
On Sept 4, 2022 19 year old Hans plays his first two matches of the tournament, and on round three he is paired with Grand Master Carlson. He pulls the upset of the Chess world and BEATS the Grand Master. Everyone is stunned. Normally the winner will do a post game interview and move the commentators through critical moments in the match and explain their thought process.
- To Recap:
- He is baby new to the scene and is just kicking everyone’s tail end BUT, then he got caught cheating, although really asserts that he just did it to get harder matches and hasn’t done it in years now that he is playing more worthy adversaries.
- Then, he gets invited to a Cup and kicks the all the GM’s butts and pulls out the biggest upset in Chess history
- Now, when he is supposed to go and explain to everyone how he was able to out maneuver just such a worth opponent, all he will say in the interview is “The Chess speaks for itself” That’s pretty sus.
- The Chess really doesn’t speak for itself and usually the Grand Masters would explain their game. What is the problem?
- You can see Magnus walking away in the background. He is not happy and Hans doesn’t look comfortable either.